Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
