I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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