so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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