everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
