If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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