But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Soap is not a condiment
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
