Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
