meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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