well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
