don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize