So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
