once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
