i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
