The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
