I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
