I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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