Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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