Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
