school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
