we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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