I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He kissed a someone with a penis
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Found your dick twin last night
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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