i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
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I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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