Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
love makes seman taste better
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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