Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
