this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
