Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
