I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
