I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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