My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He shit in the fireplace
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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