Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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