Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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