I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
