Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
