can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
