I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
