He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
