ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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