What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
