So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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