I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
