dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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