So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Randomize
