Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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