I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
