You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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