I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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