i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
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Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
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I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize