i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
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You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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