i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
