So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
