PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
