Non-Jews are for practice
Can Purell be used as lube?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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