The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
