Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
