The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
