Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
