I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
