Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
