When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
