Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There are leaves in my underwear?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
