Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
