Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
