It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
