I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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