Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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