I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
