You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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