hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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