You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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