I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The air was thick with penises
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
