I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
